I hate this.
When we started to get along so well, I thought, you’re something else. I thought you could be a great, fun friend. I started to get to know you better and started to enjoy our conversations a little too much. And then I started to really look forward to talking to you – every single day. Even your occasional drunk calling made me smile – a lot!
When we sort of “parted” ways, I thought we won’t be keeping in touch. Lo and behold – nearly 3 years later, we still occasionally keep in touch via Facebook or Text. I saw you from one girlfriend to another. We spoke about each other’s break ups and I really like the fact that you really were just open with how you feel and didn’t consider me a stranger.
Then I started to wonder what we are to each other. I said, “nope, he’s like the brother I never had…”. But I know I was lying to myself. I was lying to myself because I didn’t want to break anything we had. I like you too much to risk losing the friend I had in you.
I started rationalizing and justifying that you felt nothing romantic for me because when you had a girlfriend, I was almost non-existent to you. But come your break-up, we talk like we were just talking the other day. then I started thinking and feeling again.
Then – I start hating myself. For not risking what we currently have to know whether we could have had something more.
I think I started to like you more than just a friend. In fact, I think I’ve cared too much about you that I’m starting to fall 
I wish I could tell you this – but I still can’t.
I’m so stupid when it comes to these things.
I tend to over analyze things and then greatly regret it afterwards. I hate being too safe.
I know you don’t know this blog/journal exists. but in the off-chance you read this, do me a favor and call me. tell me what we have just so I can stop and move on.
Even if it’s something that I may not want to hear – let me know because it’s a terrible feeling – not knowing.
